hindi jokes

Teacher 2 student : What’s Your Cast ?
Student : Pehle to hum Pandit The,
Fir Rajput Hue,
Fir Baniya ho Gaye,
Abhi Hai Darji,
Or
Aage AMMI ki Marzi.

Agar Basanti Ki Mausi Thakur Ko Rakhi Bandhe to Basanti
or Thakur Ka Kya Rishta Hua ? ? ?
Socho…..
Socho…..
Kuch Bhi Nahi Apna Apna Kaam Karo
Thakur Ke Haath Hi Nahi The.

If People Say You are Crazy,
be patient,
You are monkey relax,
You are Mad,
be cool,
but
if they say you are Smart ,
Thappad lagana Saale ko !
Mazaak ki bhi had hoti hai.

Boy & Girl in restuarant:
Boy-main last bar puch raha hu,
um mujhse shadi karogi?
Girl- nahi
Boy-soch lo
Girl-keh diya na nahi
Boy-waiter bill alag alag lana.

Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai,
Uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha “CHAALU KHAATA”

Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai.
Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se

Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, apple saath laya hoon.

Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do,
mere dost aa rahe hain.
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.

Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha,
yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.

Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped – paudhe thay,
Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.

Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha,
har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aaya hai.

Ek Din CHINTU Ne Apne Dost Ko Bataya- “Meri Bivi PINKI Itni Dayalu Hai Ki Wah Bartan Dhone Wale Ko Pani Garm Karke Deti Hai. Dono Time Chay Aur Khana Bhi Deti Hai.”
“Kamaal Hai! Aaj Ki Mahilaye Itni Udaar Ho Sakti Hai, Par Tumhare Yaha Bartan Kaun Dhotaa Hai?” Mitra Ne Puchha.
“Mai.” CHINTU Ne Jawab Diya.

Ek Taange Ki Ghodi Jab Chalte-Chalte Ruk Jati, To Kochvaan CHINTU Utarakar Uske Saamane Gana Gata.
Gana Sunkar Ghodi Phir Se Chalne Lag Jaati Thi.
Aakhir Tang Aakar Taange Me Baithi Hui Savari Ne CHINTU Se Puchha- “Bhai, Ye Kya Kissa Hai? Tumhari Ghodi Gana Sunkar Aage Kyo Badhti Hai?”
CHINTU Ne Batayaa- “Babu Ji, Vastav Me Yah Baarat Ki Ghodi Hai……”

CHINTU Ne Apni Patni PINKI Se Puchha- “PINKI Darling Mere Rishtedaro Me Tum Kise Sabse Jyadaa Chahti Ho, Is Baat Ka Jawab Do.”
“Tumhari Saas Ji Ko.” Patni PINKI Ne Ek Pal Sochkar Jawab Diya.”

PINKI Ne Apni Padosin Ki Ladki Se Kaha- “Akhir Baat Kya Hai, Tum Muje Dekhte Ho Aankhe Kyo Churakar Bhag Jati Ho?”
“Juth Na Bolo PINKI Anti. Chori Karne Ki Meri Aadat Nahi Hai.” Chh Saal Ki Ladki Ne Kaha.

Ek Private Narsing Home Me Bharti Daulatamand CHINTU Ji Ne Khubsurat Nars PINKI Se Kaha- “Sister Mai Tumse Shadi Karna Chahtaa Hu.”
“Sorry! Apke Parivar Me “Sister” Se Shadi Karne Ka Rivaz Hai?” PINKI Ne Jawab Diya

Kisi Kaam Se Pados Ki Ek Vruddh Mahila PINKI Ke Ghar Aai ! Aupachariktaawash Unke Liye Kaanch Ke Gilas Me Sharbat Banakar Le Aai.
“Bahu, Mai Kaanch Ke Gilas Me Nahi Piungi.” Vruddh Mahila Ne Kaha.
“Is Par Paas Baithi PINKI Ki Chh Varshiy Putri Boli- “Isi Me Pi Lijiye. TUT Gaya To Mammi Kuchh Nahi Kahegi.”

Guddi (Apni Saheli Nirjaa Se)- “Maine Apne Pati Guddu Ko Unki Ashiqmijaji Par Bahut Kharikhoti Sunayi.”
Nirjaa- “Fir To Bechare Sharm Se Pani-Pani Ho Gaye Honge?”
Guddi- “Are Nahi, Ulte Kahne Lage Ki Tumhe Bhi Ameriki Rashtrpati Ki Patni Se Sabak Sikhna Chahiye.

Guddi (Guddu Se)- “Darling, Kal Ham Shadi Karne Ja Rahe Hai. Mai Tumse Kuchh Nahi Chhipana Chahti.
Apne Pichhale Prem Prasango Ke Bare Me Tumhe Sab Kuchh Bata Dena Chahti Hu.”
Guddu- “Tumne To 2 Saptah Pahle Hi Sab Kuchh Bata Diya Hai.”
Guddi- “Par Wah To 2 Saptah Pahle Ki Bat Hai. Is Bich To….”

Rajnish Purohit

Doctor- “Kya Baat Hai?’
Guddu- “Muje Kutte Ne Kat Liya Hai.”
Doctor- “Kya Tumhe Malum Nahi Hai Ki Mai 7 Baje KeBad Kisi Rogi Ko Nahi Dekhta?”
Guddu- “Ji, Malum Hai, Magar Yah Bat Kutte Ko Malum Nahi Thi.”

“Akhir T.V. Me Aisi Kya Khubi Hai, To Tum Hamesha Usi Se Chipke Rahate Ho?’
Guddi Ne Guddu Se Jara Jallakar Kaha.
Guddu Ne Jawab Diya- “Dabbu Ki Mammi,
Mai Jab Chahu T.V. Ka Munh To Band Kar Sakta Hu.”

Misses PINKI Apne Padosi Ke Yaha Bachcha Hone Par Unke Saat Saal Ke Bete CHINTU Se Boli- ‘Ab To Tumhare Yaha Naya Bebi Aa Gaya Hai?”
CHINTU Munh Bichkaakar Bola- “Aunti! Use Naya Kahti Hai? Are! Jab Wah Rota Hai To Lagta Hai Ki Kai Saalo Se Rona Sikh Raha Ho.”

Cinemahall Me Guddu Ke Bagal Me Baithi 2 Aurate Lagatar Apas Me Baate Kiye Ja Rahi Thi. Thodi Der Tak To Guddu Sabra Kiye Baitha Raha Lekin Fir Junjalaa Kar Bola- “Maaf Kijiyega, Muje Apki Baatchit Ke Chalte Film Ka Koi Dialogue Sunaai Nahi Pad Raha Hai. Aap…..”
“To Ham Bhi Kaha Aap Ko Suna Rahe Hai, Hamari Private Baatchit Chal Rahi Hai.” Unme Se Guddi Ne Munh Banaate Huye Kaha.

Rajnish Purohit

Kabhi insan galat ya sahi nahi hota,
waqt use galt ya sahi banata he,
koi dekhta he kichad me kamal
aur kisi ko chand me b dag najar ata…
————————————-
Mera NaaM BoL Ke
Soya Karo
Khidki KhoL Takia Mod Ke
Soya Karo

HuM B Aayege TuMhare
KhayaLo Me
IsLiye Thodi Jagah Chod Ke
Soya Karo
————————————-
Hum ho gaye fana mohabat k is zamane me
Saja k tor pe mili maut paimane me
Mohabat ne nakam kar diya
Warna khubiyaan aur b thi iss diwane me
————————————-
Santa Ko Koi Mobile Pe Tang Karta Tha Santa Ne New SIM Kharid Kar Use SMS Kia Maine Wo Sim Band Kar Dia He Ab Tera Baap b Tang Nahi Kar Sakta..
————————————-
Ab To Iqrar Kar Lo
Aur Na Tadpao
Ab To Bata Do
Aur Na Sharmao
Arre Bol Bhi Do
Ki
Aap
Humse
Bhi Zyada Kanjus Ho SmS Karne Me
————————————-
Santa’s Army Test

Pappu- 3+5?
Santa- 8
Pappu- 7+3?
Santa- 10
Pappu- 8+8?
Santa- Pata nahi sir
Mere pass sirf 10 hi ungli Hai ..
————————————-

Ravi- “Inka Swasthya Bahut Achchha Hai, Kya Khate Hai?”
Nirmal- “Tamaatar.”
Ravi- ” Aur Pite Kya Hai?”
Nirmal- “Soda Water.”
Ravi- “Inke Haath Me Kya Hai?”
Nirmal- “Tharmomitar. ”
Ravi- “”Yaha To Sab Tar-Tar Hai.
Maine Kisi Ke Ghar Me Naukari Karne Ko Kaha Tha Taalab Me Nahi.”

Gopal- “Apke Ghar Me Aag Lag Gai Hai.”
Ravi- “Chinta Karne Ki Avshyakata Nahi Hai, Bimaa Hai.”
Gopal – “Lekin Apki Patni Andar Jal Rahi Hai.”
Ravi – “Koi Fikra Nahi Uska Bhi Bimaa Hai.”

Sharabi Ravi- “(Dusare Sharabi Se) Yaar, Mai Kal Bharat Ka Pradhanamantri Banunga.”
Dusra Sharabi- “Tu To Tab Banega Jab Mai Istifaa De Dunga.”

Ravi Ne Kuchh Sochkar Kaha- “Pitaji, Mai Tumhe Apni Baarat Me Nahi Le Jaunga.”
Pita Ne Aashchryachakit Hokar Kaha- “Kyo Bhai, Aisi Kya Baat Hai?”
Ravi Ne Kaha- “Aap Bhi Muje Apni Baarat Me Nahi Le Gaye The.”

Ravi Ko Uski Maa Ne Pita. To Ravi Bhaagakar Chaarpaai Ke Niche Chhip Gaya.
Uske Pitaji Ghar Aye Aur Puchha- “Ravi Beta Kaha Hai?”
Uski Maa Ne Hath Se Ishara Karte Hue Batayaa Ki Chaarpaai Ke Niche Chip Gaya.
Uske Pitaji Ghar Aye Aur Puchha- “Ravi Beta Kaha Hai ?”
Ravi Bola- “Pitaji,
Kya Apko Bhi Maa Ne Maara Hai Jo Yaha Chhipane Aa Rahe Ho?”

Teacher- “Bachcho, Jo Kuchh Puchhna Ho Puchh Lo. Ab Pariksha Najadik Aa Gayi Hai.”
Ravi- “Bas Aap Itnaa Bata Dijie Ki Prashn-Patra Kis Pres Me Chhap Rahe Hai?”

Kaafi Raat Gaye Ghar Lautane Ke Baad Ravi Ne Minu Se Apni Safai Pesh Karne Ki Koshish Karte Hue Kaha- “Tumhe Pata Hai, Muje Ghar Lautane Me Itni Der Kyo Ho Gayi.”
“Janti Hu. Lekin Tum Apni Mangadhat Kahani Sunaakar Apne Dil Ka Boj Halkaa Kar Lo.”

Chacha- “Ravi, Tu Bada Shaitan Hai.”
Ravi- “Aisa Mat Kahnaa Chachaji, Nahi To Log Aapko Shaitaan Ka Chacha Kahkar Bulayenge.”

Ravi Ke Aspataal Me Daakhil Hone Ki Khabar Paakar Amit Use Dekhne Aspataal Pahuncha. Uske Sar Par, Badan Par Jaha- Taha Pattiya Bandhi Dekh Usne Hairan Hokar Kaha- “Yaar, Abhi Shaam Ko Chh Baje To Maine Tumhe Achchha Khasha Dekha Tha. Tum Minu Ke Sath Juhu Bich Par Baithe The, Achanak Yah Kya Ho Gaya?”
“Yaar, Jo Tumane Dekhaa Thaa Wahi To Meri Patni Ne Bhi Dekh Liya Tha.” Ravi Ne Kaha- “Wah Apne Police Inspektar Bhai Ke Sath Us Samay Waha Ghum Rahi Thi.”

Ravi- “Tumhari Umr Kya Hai?”
Rakesh- “Baarah Saal.”
Ravi- “Pichhle Varsh Bhi Tumne Yahi Kaha Tha.”
Rakesh- “To Kya Mai Apni Baat Par Atal Na Rahu?”

Raju Simaran Ki Ghadi Lekar Ghadisaaj Ke Paas Aya.
“Aap Chabi Kab Bharte Hai?” Ghadisaaj Ne Puchha.
“Raat Me.” Raju Ne Uttar Diya.
“Isaliye Itni Kharab Ho Gai Hai.” Ghadisaaj Bola- “Krupya Subah Chabi Bhara Kare.”

“Tum Hamesha Murkhtapurn Baate Kiya Karti Ho.” Raju Ne Simaran Se Kaha.
Simaran Shant Swar Me Boli- “Sab Sangat Ka Asar Hai, Yaha Aane Se Pahle Mai Aisi Na Thi. Mera B.A. Ka Certificate Is Baat Ki Gawahi Hai.’

“Start Ho Jaane Ke Baad Is Gaadi Ka Break Hi Nahi Lagta.” Simaran Ne Raju Se Kaha.
“Kya Tumne Bhi Is Gaadi Ko Drive Kiya Tha.” Raju Ne Puchha.
“Haa.” Simaran Ne Batayaa.
“Tabhi To Tumharaa Asar Is Gaadi Par Pad Gayaa Hai.” Raju Ne Chhinta Diya.

Mahila Neta Simaran Aurato Ki Ajadi Ke Paksh Me Bhashan De Rahi Thi. Wah Aurato Ko Dimaagi Taur Par Purusho Se Uchch Siddh Karna Chahti Thi. Usne Kaha- “Akhir Pagalkhane Adhiktar Purusho Se Hi Kyo Bhar Rahe Hai? Diwane Adhiktar Purush Hi Kyo Hote Hai?”
Tabhi Waha Maujud Logo Me Upsthit Simaran Ke Premi Raju Ki Awaj Aai. “Are, Unko Diwanaa Banayaa Kisne?”

Sangitakar Raju Se Simaran Ne Kaha- “Kya Aaj Raat Ke Liye Aap Apna Sitaar Aur Tabalaa Muje De Sakte Hai?”
Kyo…. Kya Mera Gana Sun-Sunakar Aaj Aapka Bhi Man Gane Ko Kar Raha Hai?” Kalakaar Raju Ne Kaha.
‘Nahi Aaj Mai Aaram Se Sona Chahti Hu.” Simaran Ne Jawab Diya.